Estelle in Six Months

It was on August 6th that I ripped the cord, pulled the plug, threw caution to the wind, you name it... and just did it! I dropped using my first name of Valerie and began using my middle name, Estelle.

It - Has - Been - Amazing!

Conversations with Michael over morning coffee often end up with my joyful and exuberant broken-record comments about how this was the best decision of my life and how happy I still am that I did this awkward thing. Those comments, coupled with always, “I should have done this sooner”.

This is what I know. I woke up in August, alert and clear-minded, and I thought, I’m not going to do this for the next 40+ years. It’s time to swap to Estelle from Valerie. I’m ready. I’ve always loved my middle name Estelle, and I love that I’m named after my grandmother Rhubie Estelle, a strong, feisty, and confident woman who, honestly, I am probably a lot like her. I love that my daughter and granddaughter share the Estelle middle name. There is a great joy for me to be actively using my name Estelle, and who doesn’t want great joy for the next 40+ years?!

You can tell a lot about a person in how they say your name. Do they honor your request or do they mock you? I've had both prior to and since this name trade. It’s been, well, interesting to observe who does each of these.

To those who try and struggle, I love you! I love that you try, and I love that you know me well enough to have had so many life experiences prior to my name swap that the struggle is real. You keep trying, and I see you. You are beautiful.

To those who jumped on the ship and just ran with it, OMGosh I’m impressed. You have not only enhanced my last six months with your devoted respect to embracing change, but you have also somehow given me a little air-hug each time you say the word, Estelle.

To my surprise, soo many people sent me notes of encouragement and shared their stories. I was pleasantly shocked with how many people are in the Middle Name Club - so many! I felt a pang in my heart for those who shared in private messages that they have always wanted to change their first name, for a vast number of reasons, and just can’t do it - so many.

Another most surprising revelation happened over these last six months. The few family members (emphasis on family members so don’t get any ideas) who still call me Valerie feels really really special. Like it’s our gift now, just us. It feels special in a way I can’t explain. A warmth I’ve unknowingly longed for.

Life is weird, and great, and challenging, and beautiful, and messy, and glorious all at once. Making this small, big, small change for me has been the best gift I’ve ever given to myself. I don’t feel I need to give any explanations, or publicly value my decisions, but it’s fun to share my process with you. If you’re a hater, move on. If you want to make a little life change for a more joyful happy life, just go for it. Risk brings rewards.

I am still Valerie Estelle Rogers, I will always be, and I like me.

However, I like living with Estelle as my public first name ten zillion times better.

Now, onward to the second six months.